Beautiful Patience
by azul-jisbon
Summary: Several years into Caskett future, they're married and happy as ever. Surely nothing could be wrong now, right? Think again.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, first of all to those of you reading my other Castle story, don't worry I'm still going with that one, I just felt like doing something a bit happier (Read:completely fluffy) It'll probably get more serious later on if I continue it. Anyhoo, it's different to what I normally do so dunno if it works but I hope that people like it anyway :)**

**Disclaimer: Castle and everything about it is, sadly, not mine**

It was midnight in New York, and the whole city was alive with sound and colour. The streets were bustling with people and music was blasting from every corner of every building. Men stood leaning against the walls outside bars, eyeing up the girls that walked past, jumping from party to party, club to club, loving the attention that their skimpy attire was winning them. Enjoying the freedom of their youth.

But in one large yet cosy apartment, nestled away from the nightlife outside, Kate Beckett lay smiling in her bed. Blissfully oblivious to everyone and everything other than the man whose arms she was lying in.

Richard Castle.

Fabulous, talented, bestselling author Richard Castle.

Beautiful, charming, delightful celebrity writer Richard Castle.

Her husband, Rick.

Sometimes she found it hard to believe that she was really married to him, that the man she'd loved for such a very long time loved her just as much. That finally, after everything they'd been through together, he'd just dropped on one knee and spilled his heart to her.

As she lay there she let her mind wonder back to that day, the day that changed her life so beautifully. She'd gone from thinking that he was gone forever to letting him slip an improvised ring onto her finger in a hospital cafeteria.

He stirred and she turned round in his arms to rub her nose gently against his, letting the memory of that day drift to the back of her mind again

'Hi,' he breathed, smiling at her

'Hi,' she planted a quick kiss on his smiling mouth then began to wind herself out of his arms

'Hey!' he protested, lacing his fingers around her neck to stop her leaving 'Where're you going?' he asked with overplayed sadness

'Well, before I answer that, can I ask you a question?'

'Sure,' he smiled, pulling her face to his so that he could kiss her again

'You hear that?' she looked at him inquisitively and he cocked his head to one side to listen

'Crap,' he said under his breath 'How do you even hear that?'

'Easily,' she wriggled out of his arms again and slipped out of bed 'You sleep like a log,' she grinned at him as she tied up her robe 'Also I hope you realise that I have done way more than my fair share of phone - answering this month,'

'Well when you get back I'll thank you thoroughly,' he grinned back 'So hurry,'

She laughed and ducked out of the room and he lay back down smiling as he thought about what a brilliant turn it was his life had taken. He'd been lying there maybe a minute when she came back, a slightly tired look on her face.

'Murder?' he asked

'Most foul,' she replied grinning wickedly

'I love you,' he looked at her, shaking his head almost as if he didn't believe that she was all his

'Isn't that why you married me?' she asked, pulling clothes out of the wardrobe

'Well yeah, that, and the fact that you're hot, and have a gun,'

'Get dressed, Castle,' she chucked clothes at him, smiling despite herself and he jumped out of bed pulling them on messily 'Oh and honey, I've got more than one gun-never forget that,' she turned around whilst buttoning up her shirt and kissed him soundly on the lips before swinging her jacket over her shoulder and walking out the door.

**So what you thinking? Too fluffy? Let me know if you want some more :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I figured the direction I think I'm gonna take this story, which is definitely less fluffy than the first chapter but I am still keeping it lighter and more..domestic. Also I'm introducing a plotline that started in the past so I'm gonna reveal that in flashbacks. Anyway I hope people like it :) Also I'm really sorry for any typos, my laptop has no spellcheck and I normally type up when only half awake :(  
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**Disclaimer: It's not mine, however tragic that may be**

Kate Beckett sat drumming her fingers against her desk, staring absently at the case file in front of her. She knew on one level that she should be paying attention to the murder of the middle-aged drug dealer, but today she just wasn't feeling herself. Her usual kick-ass detective self. Today she was feeling like a married woman wondering how to tell her husband about her latest hospital visit. She knew he'd be devastated if she told him, but in the same way she also knew that this was far too big to keep from him. Especially if the subject came up again tonight. It had come up quite a few times since they'd got married, more frequently as they approached their 2 year anniversary, but it never got properly serious. They always laughed themselves out of it and moved on.

As she sat there thinking about her last hospital visit, she couldn't help letting her mind wander back to that strangeday that had turned her life around.

...

She stood with her back pressed against the wall, gun in her hand, heart in her mouth, Ryan and Esposito mirroring her position.

They all stood silently, listening. There was very little noise coming from the next room but they still erred on the side of caution. Beckett met her friends' gazes and then, very slowly, mouthed 'One, Two, Three,' at which point all three of them burst through the door. The horror movie like scene before them was reminiscent of a nightmare, simply because of the star of it. Richard Castle, her own lovely, idiotic Castle, was lying curled in a heap on the floor. Jackson Prentis, the serial killer they'd been hunting for months, stood over him – a foot on the writer's exposed side and a gun pointed casually at his head.

She froze herself as the words 'NYPD, Freeze!' escaped her lips. They had to be careful, one wrong move and the charming mystery writer could be gone forever, she had to think things through. Prentis apparently had other ideas though as he swung his gun arm round so that the gun was pointed right at her heart and she felt an involuntary twinge as she remembered the bullet that had made it all the way there.

'Jackson' she called softly, carefully, lowering her weapon ever so slightly 'Jackson, think about this, think about what you're doing,'

The young man eyed her suspiciously and then let out a long, almost eerie whistle. It sounded almost like a call, a summons, and sure enough as the sound faded to young women – no older than twenty-five – emerged from from an obscured wall at the far end of the room.

'Jackson?' she asked quietly 'What are you doing? Who are they?'

Prentis clapped his hands and the two girls snapped to attention like two little obedient dogs.

'Cindy,' he greeted one with a nod 'Precious,' the two girls returned his greeting with their own little smiles as Beckett noted how ridiculous their names were 'You know what to do,' he said simply, his eyes darting back to Beckett, gun grasped firmly in his hand.

The two girls, their scanty attire not escaping Beckett's notice, moved towards Castle like experts on a mission. They both began caressing him, running their manicured hands over his chest and shoulders, one of them smoothly unbuttoning his shirt. Beckett fought back a childish pang of protective jealousy and tried to shift her cop brain into focus. Prentis clearly hadn't just called in a couple of hookers to give Castle a massage.

Suddenly a groan of pain came from across the room and Beckett flicked her eyes to the writer for a mere millisecond before looking back to her about-to-be-collar. From what she'd seen in her brief glance, one of the girls had scratched a little too hard with her polished red talons and a small amount of blood was trickling down the left side of his exposed chest. She stared Prentis down a little longer until a small giggle pulled her attention back to her partner. The girl with the long red nails had placed a leg either side of the writer's waist and her exposed thighs were wrapped tightly around him. She heard Prentis move and she dragged her attention back to him, eyeing his gun apprehensively.

'What do you want, Prentis?' she asked calmly, feeling far from it

'Fun,' was his simple reply

'Yeah well in this country 'fun' doesn't constitute murder,' Ryan added from next to Ryan in the doorway where they had been standing the entire time.

Prentis rolled his eyes 'That one – not so fun,' he remarked to Bekcett nodding in Esposito's direction 'Maybe he and his lover boy could leave,' Ryan and Esposito shared a quick glance before taking a carefull step away from eachother, guns still raised.

'Sooo not happening, dude,' was Esposito's measured reply

'Fine,' Prentis clicked his fingers and at the far end of the room Castle cried out through his gagged mouth. Beckett's eyes fell upon the gun at his temple long before her mind made sense of it all. She looked back at Prentis, her eyes questioning.

'This is how it's gonna go,' he replied slowly 'You tell Cagney and Lacey over there to take themselves outside and stay there, or, I get my darling Cindy to put a bullet in your man's brain,'

'Dude, did he just call us girls?' Esposito whispered to Ryan who simply shrugged.

Beckett looked around, taking in the scene and realising to her dismay that there was almost no way to get out of this without doing what Prentis told them to. She shared a quick glance with the other two detectives and Ryan holstered his gun.

'We'll go, Beckett, it's okay,' he told her as he observed the worried frown creasing her forehead.

'We'll be right outside though,' Esposito told her 'Prentis, you've got ten minutes and then we're coming back in, guns or no guns,'

Prentis laughed and then holstered his own gun as the two men shrunk back out of the room. Beckett took the opportunity and raised her gun so it was eye level with Prentis.

'Put it away, Detective,' he said almost tiredly. She didn't move. 'Cindy?' She heard the safety come off the gun as Prentis held his hand out for hers.

'Jackson…' she warned. He clicked his fingers and there was a bang from the corner. Beckett gasped and whipped her head around to see the smoking bullet hole in the wall and sighed a quick breath of relief.

'Gun,' he told her firmly and she handed it over 'Thank you,' he clapped his hands and she heard another giggle and turned to see that the girl who's name, for whatever ridiculous reason, was Precious, tugging off the flimsy dress she was wearing to reveal some very cheap and slutty lingerie. She looked at Prentis, her face a mixture of embarrassment and disgust, and he grinned at her, before she gave up on her internal struggle and ran to Castle to try and remove Precious from her seat on top of him. Prentis ran after her and grabbed her arms, holding her back as she fought to remove herself from his grasp. Precious turned an irritated expression on Beckett and then smirked, leaning down slowly and deliberately to plant a kiss on Castle's gagged mouth.

Castle himself tried to squirm away from her and Beckett wriggled beneath Prentis' hold. Egged on by Beckett's displeasure, the blonde-haired girl ripped the gag from Castle's mouth and then promptly stuck her tongue into it. The other girl, Cindy, began to plant kisses on his neck an chest, trailing her own long black nails all over his bare arms.

'Jealous yet, Beckett?' Prentis asked her happily as Precious removed her tongue from the man she loved's mouth long enough to trail it up his cheek 'You should be. Look see, your man doesn't need you. He's doing just fine for female attention without you- I guess he's gotten over his silly fantasy. Good thing too – doesn't do for a famous bachelor to 'fall in love'. In fact this'd make a great one for the Ledger,' he added, snapping a photo on his phone while keeping one arm securely around her throat 'Richard Castle: Playboy author admits 'Nikki Heat was wasted time' catchy huh?'

She kicked him

She didn't care if he shot her now, the swift backwards kick to his shin did exactly what it needed to. He released his grip on her throat and staggered back a little, just as she swung a leg round to knock his legs from under him. Her gun fell out of his jacket and she scooped it up while he was still down

'Guys!' she called, and Ryan and Esposito were inside in a flash, guns raised 'Cuff him,' she instructed keeping her gun pointed at his stunned face. Then she turned around and jumped, tackling Precious off of Castle just as the girl picked up her own gun

'Don't move!' she warned 'I'll…I'll shoot you,'

'Precious, put the gun down,' she told her smoothly

The girl shook her head

'Put the gun _down_,' she said firmly

'Can't!' she screamed back and then ran, panicked, towards her lord and master. She cocked her gun and aimed it at Beckett's head ready to shoot just as Beckett shot her own gun. In the panic to protect both herself and her team she wasn't even sure where she'd been aiming, but as she looked down she supressed a wave of guilt as she saw that the girl lay still and bleeding on the floor. She hated when it ended like that.

The next few minutes were a bit of a blur: She vaguely remembered Cindy screaming at her, and the fiery redhead pulling out her own gun and aiming it at her. Through a fog she saw Ryan and Esposito talking to the paramedics who had just entered at the far end of the room and hazily she saw Cindy's crazed expression as she went to shoot.

All she remembered clearly of that moment was Castle. The image of him launching himself at her, bruises and all. The image of his back colliding with her as he pushed her backwards to the floor. The ringing sound of the gunshot. The image of his eyes going a little vacant as she looked up into them. The image of him rolling off of her and lying by her side, gasping for air even as he clutched at the bleeding hole in his side. The image of his bloody hands reaching for her and clutching her desperately even as she reached for him, trying through her shock to apply pressure to his wound. The image of the love of her life gasping for breath as he lay dying in her arms.

Those were the images that stuck out from that morning. The ones that haunted her even now.

...

She looked up to find that she'd been out of it for ages, suddenly realising that everyone had gone but her and she wondered absently what her man-child of a husband had got up to today. As if he'd read her mind she heard her phone buzz and dug her hand into her jeans to retrieve it

'Hey,' she answered after briefly checking the caller ID

'Kate?' he sounded a little confused

'Yeah…what is it?'

'Are you…I mean why didn't you…where are you?' sounding almost panicked

'I'm at the precinct, Castle, working,'

'It's nearly eleven, Beckett. I've been calling you – I was just at your apartment now,' Beckett cursed herself inwardly. When they'd got married Beckett keeping her apartment had seemed like a good idea with all the strange hours she had to keep. Sure, Castle found the odd early morning murder exciting, but the regular basis on which Beckett lost sleep along with the steeper and steeper deadlines that Gina had been placing on him since the wedding meant that it helped if she could crash at her place when she was working into the small hours. Now of course, that whole arrangement seemed to be about to come back and bite her in the ass.

'You're…at my apartment?' she asked biting down on her lip, knowing he was going to be angry

'Yeah, I figured that you might have gone back there instead since I was writing, but you weren't there either and you didn't leave me any messages and you weren't answering your phone. I'm on my way to the precint now, I was just calling to leave you another voicemail. What were you doing?'

'I-' she paused, how did she explain that she'd been so out of it without worrying him? She was going to tell him, she _was_. She just wasn't ready yet 'I was just working, Rick,'

'Kate, c'mon, do you really expect me to believe that?'

'It's the truth, what do you expect me to say?'

'The _real_ truth, Kate!'

'That is the real truth, Rick!' she shouted down the phone at him

'You honestly expect me to believe that you just worked 'til nearly eleven and didn't text me to tell me where you were?'

'I…I honestly…I didn't,'

'Forget it, I'm here now,' his voice was tight with restrained anger 'I'll see you in a minute,' he hung up and she stared at her phone in shock. How had she managed to blank out so completely? She guessed that the memory of that day and the events of the last week had just overwhelmed her. She fiddled with the elegant silver bands on her left hand as she waited for him and when the elevator pinged she spun around to see him walking over looking a little dishevelled, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

'Rick,' she said quietly, her voice apologetic as he silently took his seat by her desk.

'Where were you, Kate?' he asked, avoiding her gaze

'Rick, you gotta believe me,' she took one of his hands and held it between both of hers 'I was here…I just…I,'

'You what, Kate? Were you after him?'

'What?' she hadn't been expecting that

'I know that Prentis resurfaced,'

'How did you-'

'Esposito,' of course that idiot had dropped her in it. She _had_ been tracking Prentis' movements, but for once in her life she'd prioritized personal life above professional and she'd handed the case over to Ryan and Esposito.

'So?' he asked, finally looking up into her eyes 'Did you go after him?'

'No,' his face told her that he dind't believe her 'Rick, I swear, I didn't. I handed it over to Ryan and Esposito as soon as it happened. I stayed away, just like I promised. Did you really think I'd break that promise?'

'I…I didn't know what to think, Kate. You always tell me when you're going to be late…and you weren't answering your phone and I…I thought that maybe you'd gone after him anyway…and that something had happened to you,'

'I didn't. I swear. I left it alone…like you asked me to,'

He paused for a moment, then sighed 'Okay…but what _were_ you doing?' Shit. She wasn't going to be able to get out of this. She was going to have to tell him 'Well? What was so important?'

'The truth?' she asked, biting her lip and he turned back to her

'The truth,' his voice was tight again

'I…and I know you're not gonna believe this, but you have to let me explain,' she could see his interest spiking a little 'I was just…out of it,'

He scoffed 'You really expect me to-'

'Wait,' she said placing the tips of her fingers gently over his lips 'I was…I was just thinking about…the day,' he sighed, knowing what she meant

'Kate, why would you-'

'I didn't mean to, Rick, I swear I just…I couldn't help it. I was doing paper work and I just…everything got on top of me and…I just started remembering everything. I'm sorry, I am. I was just completely out of it,'

He looked at her, looked almost into her, then moved a hand to cup her cheek.

'Kate, it's…it's okay,' he soothed her, and suddenly she realised that her breathing was coming in little gasps 'It's okay…I get it I guess, I mean I probably would have done the same if I were you. It's not easy knowing that he's back,' he moved his fingers around to the back of her neck, keeping his thumb on her cheek to stroke it gently. All his anger now gone. She looked into his eyes and smiled gratefully

'I'm sorry,' she told him quietly

'It's okay, I'm sorry too,' he looked at her underneath a small frown as he put his other hand on her face and held her at arms length, his eyes inspecting her face.

'Kate?'

'What?' she asked evasively

'There's something else,' it wasn't a question. Beckett let her eyes drift downwards, breaking their shared gaze.

'What aren't you telling me?' he moved one of his hands under her chin to tip her head up again

'Nothing,' she lied, chewing her lip almost aggresively

'Kate?' his voice was gentle, but firm 'Tell me, please,'

'I…' how could she tell him? Better to just leave it and save him the pain-wasn't it? But then she looked into his eyes, saw the love and concern in them, saw the pain from seeing she was hurting and not knowing what to do, so she tried again 'Last week I was having some pain – cramps – I figured it was just period pain, but it got pretty bad so I went to see the doctor, who sent me to the hospital and…' she trailed off looking up into his beautiful blue eyes

'Kate?' he asked quietly 'Kate, you're…you are okay-aren't you?' his brow was furrowed and his expression worried

She nodded 'Yeah…yeah I'm fine but…but the doctor said he wanted to do an ultrasound…and then he told me that I was…that I had been…pregnant… but that I just…I'd…it was… gone,' tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she looked warily up at him

'You…' he too seemed to be finding it difficult to find words 'You were…pregnant?' he asked stunned.

She nodded again, biting her lip

'And you…you miscarried?' his face was full of pain and sadness, exactly what she'd feared. She nodded again and then fell into his arms, the flow of tears coming harder 'I'm so…so sorry,' she managed between sobs and was shocked when he let out a little laugh

'Sorry?' he asked, pulling back to look at her, his expression soft 'What the hell are you sorry for, Kate?' This wasn't your fault. Not even a tiny bit,'

'Yes it is,' she sniffed 'The day before I was chasing a suspect and I…I tackled him down a flight of stone stairs,'

He shook his head 'But Kate you didn't even know you were pregnant. You've got nothing to be sorry for,'

'But you…you wanted…and I know I said I wasn't ready yet but-'

'Hey, that doesn't matter okay?' he rocked her gently 'When you lose a baby it's hard, even if you didn't want it in the first place – and I know I said that it's what I want, but Kate, I want children with you and that means when you're ready, not before,'

'But I…I didn't want…and it hurt and oh God Rick it was…a baby…our baby…and I lost it,' she clutched his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder

'Oh Kate, why didn't you just tell me? I can't believe you went through this alone,'

'I knew you'd be…angry,'

'Angry? God why would you even think that?'

'Well…aren't you?' she removed her head from his shoulder so her wet hazel eyes met his concerned blue ones

'No! Not at you. I'm angry at me for letting this happen – I mean we're normally so careful, I don't know how-'

'Last month,' she told him, the fall of tears subsiding slightly 'We'd just finished that stalker case and we both went to my apartment 'cos your mother was having a party,' he rolled his eyes at the memory 'We were both a little drunk, remember?' and he nodded 'I got another call in the small hours and I dragged you with me,'

'Kate, honey, I'm so sorry,' he hugged her tightly and she smiled a little. He really wasn't angry – the two of them only used terms of endearment sarcasticly or when things were really serious. For example when his mother had been hit by a car and it didn't look like she was going to make it she'd said to him 'Rick, listen to me, she's Martha Rogers – she's gonna bounce back, okay? Rick, sweetie, you know she's gonna be okay,'

'I'm sorry too,' she replied sadly and he just hugged her tighter 'But, you know, I think it's made me realise something,' she added, biting her lip

'What's that?' he replied into her hair with a soft murmur

'I think I'm ready now…I think I wanna start trying properly,' he held her out at an arms length to look at her face and see if she was messing with him

'Seriously?' he asked, stunned

She nodded

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah,'

He pulled her to him and kissed her soundly, holding her tightly as he laced his fingers into her hair. After a few moments she pulled back for breath and smiled at him

'But maybe not right here,' she said patting him fondly on the chest with a smile '_honey_,'

**Okay, so I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me if you want me to continue :)**

**Emz xx**


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